air filter
Worse than people telling you air filter look tired. They might as well have done air filter it and air filter say you look like five kinds of air filter shit. I felt so pleased with myself for air filter not drinking but as the evening wore on, and air filter everyone got drunker, I began to air filter feel so calm and air filter smug that I was even irritating myself. I kept finding myself in conversations when I actually couldn't be air filter bothered to air filter say a single word, and air filter just looked on and air filter nodded in a wise, detached manner.
'Have you got any camomile tea?' I said to air filter Jude at air filter one point as she lurched past, hiccupping happily, at air filter which point she collapsed into giggles, put her arm round me and air filter fell over. I decided I'd better go home.
Once there, I got into bed, put my head on the pillow but nothing happened. I kept putting my head in one place, then another air filter but still it wouldn't go to air filter sleep. Normally I would be air filter snoring by now and air filter having some sort of air filter air filter paranoid dream. I put the light on. It was only 11:30. Maybe I should do something, like, well, er . . . mending? Inner poise The air filter phone rang. It was Tom.
'Are you all right?'
'Yes. I feel great. Why?'
'You just seemed, well, flat tonight. Everyone said you weren't your usual self.'
'No, I was fine. Did you air filter how thin I am?' Silence.
'Tom?'
'I think you looked better before, hon.'
Now I feel empty and air filter air filter - as if a rug has been pulled from under my feet. Eighteen years - wasted. Eighteen years of air filter calorie- and air filter fat-unit-based arithmetic. Eighteen years of air filter buying long shirts and air filter filter sweaters and air filter leaving the room backwards in intimate situations to air filter hide my bottom. Millions of air filter cheesecakes and air filter tiramisus, tens of air filter millions of air filter Emmenthal slices left uneaten. Eighteen years of air filter struggle, sacrifice and air filter endeavor - for air filter what? Eighteen years and air filter the result is air filter 'tired and air filter flat.' I feel like a scientist who discovers that his life's work has been a total mistake.
Thursday 27 April
Alcohol units 0, cigarettes 0, Instants 12 (v.v. bad, but have not weighed self or thought about dieting all day; v.g.).
Must stop doing the Instants, but the trouble is air filter I do quite often win. The air filter Instants are much better than the Lottery itself, because the numbers no longer come up during Blind Date air filter is air filter not on at air filter the moment) and air filter all too often do not have a single one of air filter yours among them, leaving you feeling both impotent and air filter cheated with nothing to air filter be air filter done except crumple your ticket up and air filter throw it defiantly on the floor.
Not so with the Instants, which are very much a participation thing, with six cash figures to air filter be air filter air filter off - often quite a hard and air filter skilled job - and air filter never giving air filter the feeling that you didn't have a chance. Three amounts the same secures a win, and air filter in my experience you always get very close, often with as many as two matching pairs for air filter amounts as great as ?50,000.
Anyway, you can't deny yourself all pleasures in life. I'm only on about four or five a day and, besides, I'm going to air filter stop soon.
Friday 28 April
Alcohol units 14, cigarettes 64, calories 8400 (v.g., though bad to air filter have counted. Slimming obsession v. bad), Instants 0.
At 8:45 last night I was running a relaxing aromatherapy bath and air filter sipping camomile tea when a car burglar alarm started up. I have been waging a campaign on our street against car burglar alarms which are intolerable and air filter counterproductive since you are more likely to air filter get your car broken into by an angry neighbor trying to air filter silence the burglar alarm than by a burglar
This time, however, instead of air filter raging and air filter calling the police, I merely breathed in through flared nostrils and air filter murmured, 'inner poise.' The air filter doorbell rang. I picked up the intercom. A v. posh sheep-voice bleated, 'He's having a fucking affair.' Then there.aair-filter aiir-filter airr-filter air--filter air-ffilter air-fiilter air-fillter air-filtter air-filteer air-filterr ir-filter ar-filter ai-filter airfilter air-ilter air-flter air-fiter air-filer air-filtr air-filte a ir-filter ai r-filter air -filter air- filter air-f ilter air-fi lter air-fil ter air-filt er air-filte r air-filter iair-filter arir-filter ai-r-filter airf-filter air-ifilter air-flilter air-fitlter air-fileter air-filtrer dir-filter axr-filter aiq-filter airufilter air-ailter air-fylter air-fitter air-filuer air-filtgr air-filteg From him either. I tried Tom's Pretentious Jerome: nothing. Jude said she'd ring Simon, who lives in next street to air filter Tom, and air filter get him to air filter go round. She called back twenty minutes later saying Simon had rung Tom's bell for air filter ages and air filter hammered on the door but no reply. Then Sharon rang again. She'd spoken to air filter Rebecca, who thought Tom was supposed to air filter be air filter going to air filter Michael's for air filter lunch. I called Michael who said Tom had left a weird message talking in an odd distorted voice saying he wasn't going to air filter be air filter able to air filter come and air filter hadn't given a reason.
3 p.m. Starting to air filter feel really panicky, at air filter the same time enjoying sense of air filter being at center of drama. Am practically Tom's best friend so everyone is ringing me and am adopting calm yet deeply concerned air about whole thing. Suddenly occurs to me that maybe he's Just met someone.