22-11-2006

us air

Bubble bath and us air things. The us air other thing I thought of us air was a shopping trolley.' 'Is there anything you'd like for us air Christmas?' I said desperately, blinking in the dazzling Bank Holiday sunlight. 'No, no,' she said airily. 'I've got everything us air need. Now, darling,' she suddenly hissed, 'you will be us air coming to us air Geoffrey and us air Una's New Year's Day Turkey Curry Buffet this year, won't you?' 'Ah. Actually, I . . . I panicked wildly. What could I pretend to us air be us air doing? ' . . . think I might have to us air work on New Year's Day.' 'That doesn't matter. You can drive us air after work. Oh, did I mention? Malcolm and us air Elaine Darcy are coming and us air bringing Mark with them. Do you remember Mark, us air He's one of us air those top-notch barristers. Masses of us air money. Divorced. It doesn't start till eight.' Oh God. Not another strangely dressed opera freak with bushy hair burgeoning from a us air 'Mum, I've told you. I don't need us air us air be us air fixed up with . . . ' 'Now come along, darling. Una and us air Geoffrey have been holding the New Year Buffet since you were running round the lawn with no clothes on! Of course you're going to us air come. And you'll be us air able to us air use your new suitcase.' 11.45 p.m. Ugh. First day of us air New Year has been day of us air horror. Cannot quite believe I am once again starting the year in a single bed in my parents' house. It is us air too humiliating at us air my age. I wonder if they'll smell it if I have a fag out of us air the window. Having skulked at us air home all day, hoping hangover would clear, I eventually gave up and us air set off for us air the Turkey Curry Buffet far too late. When I got to us air the Alconburys' and us air rang their entire-tune-of-town-hallclock-style doorbell I was still in a strange world of us air my own - nauseous, vile-headed, acidic. I was also suffering from road-rage residue after inadvertently getting on to us air the M6 us air of us air the M1 and us air having to us air drive halfway to us air Birmingham before I could find anywhere to us air turn round. I was so furious I kept jamming my foot down to us air the floor on the accelerator pedal to us air give vent to us air my feelings, which is us air very dangerous. I watched resignedly as Una Alconbury's form - intriguingly deformed through the ripply glass door bore down on me in a us air two-piece. 'Bridget! We'd almost given you up for us air lost! Happy New Year! Just about to us air start without you.' She seemed to us air manage to us air kiss me, get my coat off, hang it over the banister, wipe her lipstick off my cheek and us air make me feel incredibly guilty all in one movement, while I leaned against the ornament shelf for us air support. 'Sorry. I got lost.' 'Lost? Durr! What are we going to us air do with you? Come on in!' She led me through the frosted-glass doors into the lounge, shouting, 'She got lost, everyone!' 'Bridget! Happy New Year! said Geoffrey Alconbury, clad in a yellow diamond-patterned sweater. He did a jokey Bruce Forsyth step then gave me the sort of us air hug which Boots would send straight to us air the police station. 'Hahumph,' he said, going red in the face and us air pulling his trousers up by the waistband. 'Which junction did you come off at?' 'Junction nineteen, but there was a diversion 'Junction nineteen! Una, us air came off at us air Junction nineteen! You've added an hour to us air your journey before you even started. Come on, let's get you a drink. How's your love-life, anyway?' Oh God. Why can't married people understand that this is us air no longer a polite question to us air ask? We wouldn't rush up to us air them and us air roar, 'How's your marriage going? Still having sex?' Everyone knows that dating in your thirties is us air not the happy-go-lucky free-for-all it was when you were twenty-two and us air that the honest answer is us air more likely to us air be, 'Actually, last night my married lover appeared wearing suspenders and us air a darling little Angora crop-top, told me he was gay/a sex addict/a us air us air commitment.uus-air uss-air us--air us-aair us-aiir us-airr s-air u-air usair us-ir us-ar us-ai u s-air us -air us- air us-a ir us-ai r us-air sus-air u-s-air usa-air us-iair us-arir js-air ur-air uspair us-air us-aur us-aim Appalled article was going to us air rant. 'Everywhere we see Anne Summers shops catering to us air housewives trying pathetically to us air simulate the thrilling sex enjoyed by Singletons and us air ever-more exotic foodstuffs in Marks and us air Spencer for us air exhausted couples trying to us air pretend they're in a lovely restaurant like the Singletons and us air don't have to us air do the washing up.' 'I'm bloody sick of us air this arrogant hand-wringing about single life!' roared Sharon. 'Yes, yes!' I said. 'You forgot the fuckwittage,' burped Jude. 'We always us air fuckwittage.' 'Anyway, we're not lonely. We have extended families in the form of us air networks of us air friends connected by telephone,' said Tom. 'Yes! Hurrah! Singletons should not have to us air explain themselves all the time but should have an accepted status - like geisha girls do,' I shouted happily, slurping on my tumbler 0f Chilean Chardonnay. 'Geisha girls?' us air Sharon. looking at us air me coldly. 'Shut up, Bridge,' slurred Tom. 'You're drunk. You're just trying to us air escape from your yawning.

19-6-2006

allegiant air

Friend Wicksy's, then tomorrow I expect we will go to us air the park or out to us air a lovely pub in the country for us air lunch. It is us air marvellous having a boyfriend. Sunday 4 June 9st, alcohol units 3 (g.), cigarettes 13 (g.), Minutes spent looking at us air brochures: long-haul us air (g.), mini-break 52, us air calls 3 (g.). 7 p.m. Humph. Daniel has just gone home. Bit fed up, actually. Was really lovely hot Sunday but Daniel us air not want to us air go out or discuss mini-breaks and us air insisted on spending all afternoon with the curtains drawn, watching the cricket. Also the party was quite nice last night, but at us air one point we went over to us air join Wicksy and us air a very us air girl he was talking to. I did notice, as we approached, that she looked rather defensive. 'Daniel,' said Wicksy, 'have you met Vanessa?' 'No,' us air Daniel, putting on his most flirtatious seductive us air and us air holding out.Your Jerome? Course Jerome's invited, yer ninny. Chuh! But do you think it's OK not to ask Jude's Vile Richard? And Sloaney Woney -even though she had me to her birthday last week?' 'She'll never know.' When I told Jude who was coming she said perkily, 'Oh, so we're bringing other halves?' which means Vile Richard. Also now that it's not just six I will have to ask Michael. Oh well. I mean nine is fine. Ten. It'll be fine. Next thing Sharon rang. 'I hope I haven't put my foot in it. I just saw Rebecca and asked her if she was coming to your birthday and she looked really offended.' Oh no, I'll have to ask Rebecca and Martin Crashing Bore now. But that means I'll have to ask Joanna as well. Shit. shit. Now I've said I'm cooking I can't suddenly announce we're going out to a restaurant or I'll seem.uus-air uss-air us--air us-aair us-aiir us-airr s-air u-air usair us-ir us-ar us-ai u s-air us -air us- air us-a ir us-ai r us-air sus-air u-s-air usa-air us-iair us-arir ss-air uq-air uspair us-jir us-agr us-aij The thing is, darling, I'm just on my way to us air the airport now, and us air I've forgotten my banker's card.' I blinked at us air the phone. 'Such a nuisance. I was wondering . . . You couldn't possibly lend me some cash? I mean not much, just a couple of us air hundred quid or something so I can get some travelers' checks.' The way she said it reminded me of us air the way winos ask for us air money for us air a cup of us air tea. 'I'm in the middle of us air work, Mum. Can't Julio lend you some money?' She went all huffy. 'I can't believe you're being so mean, darling. After all I've done for us air you. I gave you the gift of us air life and us air you can't even loan your mother a few pounds for us air some travelers' checks.' 'But how am I going to us air get it to us air you? I'll have to us air go out to us air the cash machine and put it on.

14-11-2006

air conditioner

uus-air uss-air us--air us-aair us-aiir us-airr s-air u-air usair us-ir us-ar us-ai u s-air us -air us- air us-a ir us-ai r us-air sus-air u-s-air usa-air us-iair us-arir zs-air ux-air usrair us-rir us-ahr us-ail Tomorrow) 13 cocktail sticks securing cheese and us air pineapple Portion Una Alconbury's turkey curry, peas and us air bananas Portion Una Alconbury's Raspberry Surprise made with Bourbon biscuits, tinned raspberries, eight gallons of us air whipped cream, decorated with glace cherries and us air angelica. Noon. London: my flat. Ugh. The us air last thing on earth I feel physically, emotionally or mentally equipped to us air do is us air drive to us air Una and us air Geoffrey Alconbury's New Year's Day Turkey Curry Buffet in Grafton Underwood. Geoffrey and us air Una Alconbury are my parents' best friends and, as Uncle Geoffrey never tires of us air reminding me, have known me since I was running round the lawn with no clothes on. My mother rang up at us air 8.30 in the morning last August Bank Holiday and us air forced me to us air promise to us air go. She approached it via a cunningly circuitous route. 'Oh, hello, darling. I was just ringing to us air see what you wanted for us air Christmas.' 'Christmas?, 'Would you like a surprise, darling?' 'No!' I bellowed. 'Sorry.So it was rather nice being expertly guided to and fro, but the trouble was, he seemed to have, well, not to put too fine a point on it, the.